Friday 11.03.2016 Gratitude

Friday 11.03.2016

Gratitude 

It has been three days since I am writing this and I have to say life is slowly but surely getting less stressful .But I guess it is too early to say that, I still have 18 more days to go before it becomes a habit. 

Yesterday started off with a horrible start at work with a candidate of mine in the final round of discussions with the client being rejected. I was devastated because I had a lot of hope put on this commissions. But anyway’s maybe it was not meant to be. 

I am happy at the way I responded to this bad news, in usual scenario I would take it quite personnel and would be grumpy for the rest of the week, but yesterday I chose to move past it as something I have very little control over. 

I went for my music classes yesterday evening, I am not a great singer I am not even close , but the sense of calm that singing brings to my life is something beyond words. I am really happy that I took the time out for this and I am sticking to it. 

Though I do believe that I need to rearrange my life a bit to be able to accommodate everything and also have time for Pranav, as I feel I hardly see him over the week. But I am working towards it. 

As usual I am always grateful to my husband for being a wonderful father and taking Pranav out for swimming, my wonderful friends for thinking about my son as their own and to god for the good health that he has gifted us all. 

Thank you for giving me a wonderful and happy life. 

  

Gratitude : 10.03.2016

Gratitude 

Yesterday was an ordinary day , nothing exciting besides the usual mundane work and household activities. 

After work I went straight to a friend’s place who has already picked my son from school , we had coffee and chit chat , and managed to de stress.  I honestly have begun to feel like home here now, only because of such wonderful friends who live nearby.

Went ahead and made some delicious dinner of Dosa and Kerala Egg roast and managed to clean my house and wash a load of clothes , for many this might look like not a big deal, but I am extremely happy when I have a clean house , and even if this is going to last only for a few hours , thanks to the super clean husband!! I am happy I managed to tidy up.

Pranav has been extremely well behaved and happy this week and much of it is due to the time he gets now with his friends and also all the engaging activities he gets involved in, there is no time for him to be bored or lonely. I would like to be able to spend more time with him studying which I am guilty of not having enough time now, but besides that I am very happy with how he has evolved into a mature young independent kid so far ..

I am happy and I am grateful for a wonderful family , good health and happiness. 

Gratitude - 3 minutes of a day, one day every day

Yesterday I saw Shawn Anchor's TED talk on the secret to happiness in workplace. It was a very interesting topic and especially relevant to my current scenario. 

As explained several times in the past, I constantly struggle to stay positive and while I succeed doing it for a couple of days when I consciously practice the same, I am always struggling after few days. The past couple of days were the lull after the good days of positivity. He said that being positive and happy increases your productivity up to 33 %. I am aware that as personally I am much successful at work when I recruit with a positive and happy mind than when I am low and negative. 

I know it’s all easy said and done and the tough part is to continue it as a daily habit. It takes 21 days to make a habit, so here is the plan. 

I want to spend 15 minutes every day at the start of the day to be grateful for 3 things in my life, maybe I will take reference to the day before. And also he said that you need to write thank you or recognise one person for the good thing that they do.  I am not sure how far I will be able to do this second part everyday but I will try. 

So starting today 

1. First of all I am grateful that I stumbled upon this video at the right time yesterday before my life crashed into a negative gloom , which to be honest I am tired of. 
2. I am grateful for having a very understanding and accommodating son and husband who despite all the fights we have make my life so wonderful. I am grateful for having wonderful parents and a beautiful sister and brother in law who ground me and make me who I am today. They are always there for my every decision.
3. I am grateful to have a job that I am relatively good at, paying me enough to buy the things I wish for. 

Thank you!! I do have a wonderful life. 

07.03.2016 - March Monday- Friends to be grateful for

Here we go again

Weekends fly like it never happened , before the blink of an eye , the weekend is over

As usual Anish had a business trip to Cardiff and I am so fortunate to have good friends around who are willing to take care of my son early  in the morning and take him to school. Hence life has moved as normal.

More or else a very mundane day at work , getting back to things always takes some time and today was more or less a very unproductive day work wise.

I am keen to get back on track from tomorrow and hopefully by the end of the week work wise, must focus on being more productive.

Working on getting more positive in life , its very hard to let go and but adamant to get it right.

I am learning to swim today for the 2nd day , as of now I am horrible at it , I am hoping things get better , only 8 more classes to go.

Being lost

In life to be truly and rest and happy with life , you need to feel a sense of belonging and have a purpose for life. Everyone has a vague sense of purpose like for me, my purpose now in life to ensure my family , my son and my husband's have a comfortable and happy life. But that is clearly where my purpose in life is wrong. This is not my purpose .

In the mad run to grow up , over the years of several changes, somewhere down the lane , I lost myself . Ever so often , especially here I have written this down and acknowledged that as well. But even today, I struggle to get a grab on my life and find a purpose. Why am I here ? what should I do? What makes me happy ?

Everyday I think over these questions over and over again and the more I ponder the more lost I get.

If you look at truly happy, NOT Successful, NOT Rich , but truly happy people. They are happy because they truly believe that they are in this world to do what they are doing today. Even if that means simple things like taking care of the house and family or being in a career. They believe what they are doing is what they need to do.

I am on a journey for the last several years to understand that calling for me. As for now, some days I want to be a successful business women and some days all I want to be is a housewife.

But I truly am not sure what makes me happy in life . why do I do what I do each day everyday.

What you wear is who you are

I read in an article today that if everything else were the same , the  decision to chose one individual over the other would be made based on their appearance and what they wear. Working in the recruitment industry I deal with people a lot and perceptions are made about people in a fraction of a second based on several criteria's like what  you wear , how you speak and who you hang out with.

It seems extremely unfair , but unfortunately in a world wear decisions are made first by the eyes, it seems the rule of the game. No wonder increasingly more number of people have issues with the self confidence and body image. No wonder people who don't fit into this frame that society forces upon people are always left feeling insignificant.

I do believe being healthy is extremely important and I do believe self confidence is also important, but I don't think they way you look should have anything to do with how good you are in your work.

Good vacation ,back to reality !!

Having had a great break of one and half months in India allowing me enough time to recharge my battery and spend time with family . I am not back to Croydon searching to find a new meaning for life and a new chapter for myself

I am determined that I would try and make my life as positive as I possibly can and not regret or look back at any decisions made .

I am keen to ensure I spend quality time with my son and not show my frustrations on him and to try and make this childhood as pleasant an experience as possible

He is turning 4 in a few days time and boy oh boy time has surely flown by me . Sitting in a headmasters meeting at his new school due to start in September certainly made me tearful and anxious at the thought that my little baby is all grown up now and he is now growing into a responsible adult , soon ready to make his own decisions and choices. I am not sure if I am truly ready for this and I am not sure if I ever will be, even if he is 60 he will always be my baby.

I have during the past few years taken a back seat in terms of my identity and who I really am . I struggle to understand what I am and what I need for myself even today and I feel if you would have asked a younger Soumya 10 years ago , my plan for my life would certainly have been very different

Dont get me wrong but my life is blessed and I am indeed very happy at the place I am , but I tink hat I miss is me !!

I am determined to work on this and try and find the real me and make her happy , because its only then that truly us as a family can ever really be HAPPILY EVER AFTER !!